Skye's Bad Day
by Kuruk
Summary: Hot, confident Skye waltzes into town expecting pretty maidens to fall at his feet. What he gets instead is women immune to his charms, men that want him dead, and an obsessive stalker named Jill. It's a bad day... Hilarity ensues.


_Kuruk here!_

_So after seeing so many Skye fics, I decided to make one of my own... ;) You know, just to do a little something about the Skye fics that seem to be the latest trend by making a parody out of it... XD_

_Hope you like it. :D_

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Harvest Moon...

_Enjoy!_

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_**Skye's Bad Day**_

The men of Forget-Me-Not-Valley are a bunch of grumpy, lazy, free-spirited, sexist, old men that tend not to appreciate the woman they've got when they've got them. They are predictably romantic when they need to be, and at times utterly clueless. They're simple, horribly tacky, and have their share of problems.

Then there's Phantom Skye. He's a thief-- that's right, he actually lives off stealing. But despite the fact that he's a criminal-- wanted in many places for a variety of charges including theft (of course), soliciting and after a long night of strip poker and alcohol, a run through the streets while completely naked-- he's hot, so everyone forgives him these things.

Really. Really, really. If you have ever seen Skye then you will know that he is the epitome of manly sexiness. His hair is silver, which surprisingly isn't freaky, but indeed hot, his eyes are a predictable shade of blue, and his skin tone is so deathly pale that everyone still think that he's a vampire... but that's okay because vampires (and Skye!) are sexy.

Just ask the chicks he's err... _seen_. They'll all agree-- after cursing the fact that he robbed them blind while they slept and calling him a variety of bad, unspeakable names, that he is indeed hot. What do you expect? Most of these chicks _are_ his fangirls.

Well, anyway.

After fleeing a bunch of cops (male and not gay, since they would be captivated by his sexiness if they weren't) out of the last place he was staying, Skye ran to Forget-Me-Not-Valley, where there are no cops, gay or otherwise.

So Skye was free to run free in all his thieving, womanizing sexiness!

Well, after Skye moved in to the hollow tree he kicked a bunch of strange little elves out of, he considered what he should do first in this new town. He soon decided that he should go get 'acquainted' with the women in town.

As he walked out of the hollow tree he called home, he was at once noticed by the town farmer, an obnoxious, too-perfect girl named Jill.

Now, Jill was so perfect in an oozing way that her hair was a luscious shade of cocoa, her eyes deep, enthralling and warm chocolate... her complexion so perfect that not a single blemish was to be seen there, and her body was oh-so-perfect that whenever she was seen people drooled and wanted to open up to her and stop being angsty, like that depressed blacksmith from Mineral Town.

Well, Jill, who had always been looking for someone as perfect as she was, let out a dreamy sigh the second she saw Skye. He was so hot that Jill immediately fell in love, so she skipped over to where he was standing idly, checking out the scenery and greeted him with a shrill squeal.

"Hi-hi! My name is Jill, and I'm the farmer here in town!" she greeted, a big smile on her perfect face, complete with adorable dimples.

Skye twitched and looked very annoyed. You see, Skye hated perfect girls like Jill... the reason being a traumatic experience dating a very obsessive, similarly generically perfect girl named Mary-Sue, who, when he dumped her, stalked him and left dead mice on his doorstep and showed up everywhere he went... which wasn't nice at all...

So Skye did what any reasonable man would do when faced by an obsessive, 'picture perfect' woman.

He ran.

He ran so far that by the time he stopped he was in front of a two-story Inn. There was nice smells coming from the inside so he went inside, confident that he could get a free meal using his sexiness.

Once inside he spotted a boyish looking girl with really red hair. She had really blue eyes and was sitting on the bottom step of the stairs, a sketchpad in her hands as she drew something. Skye stared.

She was so boyish it was hot. Kinky.

This would be easy, Skye thought. He would be kissing her in less than five minutes. Smiling seductively and fluttering his Amy Winehouse-sized eyelashes, he skipped to where the girl sat.

He opened his perfect mouth to talk, but before he could, the girl looked up and gave him a very, very venomous look. Skye wasn't discouraged-- he loved aggressive women.

"Hello, fair maiden," Skye almost sang in a melodic voice, "I was just observing how-,"

"Move," the girl growled.

Skye blinked a couple of times. "E-excuse me...?"

"I said move," the girl reiterated, her blue eyes cold as ice as they bore into Skye's shocked face, "You're blocking my view and I'm trying to sketch here."

Skye's delicate mouth formed a delicate 'o' and he stepped aside gracefully, looking down at the redhead's sketch. He tried a different seduction method. "Oh my, you are certainly talented, fair maiden-,"

"Nami," he redhead snapped, "My name's Nami. Get it right."

Skye smiled. The fact that she had given him her name was a good sign-- it meant that she wanted to kiss passionately. Was he awesome or what?

"Well my name's Skye, Nami," he purred, posing in a very hot manner against the wall that would make any woman give a fangirl-ish squeal of delight, "I'm new in town and-,"

Nami let out a bloodcurdling scream and before Skye could react she had risen to her feet, had him backed up against the wall and was jabbing a pencil at his eye. "You're so _annoying_!" Nami practically screamed, "Can't you tell I want to be alone right now!?"

It was all Skye could do to nod a bit, more frightened than he had ever been in his life. She couldn't harm his _face_! Not his beautiful _face!_

Nami sighed and backed up from the wall when a plump, tan-skinned woman glared at her from the kitchen disapprovingly. "Nami," the woman said in a thick Indian accent, "Is that any way to treat a guest, we accept all types of people here," the woman looked Skye up and down, horror on her face, "Even those that choose to live... alternative lifestyles..."

Skye blinked a couple of times. "W-what!?" he shrieked, voice very high-pitched and girly at the moment.

The woman looked mortified. "I'm so sorry sir... err, or are you a ma'am...? Nami," she leaned towards the redhead, "What do you think he... err, or _she _is?"

Nami shrugged apathetically, shot Skye another glare and slumped up the stairs. The woman, however, was still appraising Skye. "Oh, I don't know... Rock! _Rock!?_" the woman screamed, "Come down here!"

Down the stairs came a tanned blonde guy with amber, lazy eyes. He eyed Skye with some weird emotion. "Who's that, mom?" asked the guy Skye assumed to be Rock, curiosity in his lazy, sleepy voice.

"This is... Ms... Mr... err... Skye..." the woman supplied.

Rock gasped and elbowed his mother. "Mom," he whispered loudly, "She's a _chick!_" he looked at Skye admiringly, "And a hot one too..."

Okay, Skye drew the line at being hit on by a guy. He ran out of the Inn as the mother and son debated... but not before stealing a nice little souvenir from the Inn.

"God," Skye breathed, running a hand through his perfect hair, "That was one neurotic chick..."

He thought of going back home and selling the thing he stole on eBay just like he did every time he stole something, but he heard loud music coming from a little building with a neon blue sign flashing 'BAR'.

Score!

Skye smiled devilishly and ran towards the bar, knowing that there would be all types of beautiful, loose women in there dying to get any kind of male attention they could get.

Confidently and in a very sexy manner, Skye walked into the bar.

There were a bunch of old men at the counter with a younger, yet still old, man behind the counter serving drinks. The only young guys were the hippie-looking man with a guitar strapped to his back and a red beard and a grumpy looking, brooding man with an Elvis-do.

No pretty women here.

He considered leaving but before he could to identical old men in overalls whispered to each other and smiled at Skye in a dirty old man kind of way. Skye shuddered. He was _not_ into grandpas. That wasn't worth his time and hotness...

"Come sit down, young lady," one of the old men said in a thick Scottish accent.

Skye shook his head, suddenly in a cool sweat. "Um... no, I was actually just passing through-,"

But before Skye could leave though, one of the old men caught him by his delicate wrist and pulled him over to a bar stool, where he found himself staring at a scruffy brown-haired man who smiled at him kindly.

"Don't mind Kassey and Patrick, miss," Skye twitched, "Why don't I get you something to drink?"

Skye was about to pull a knife on all these ignorant men that had never seen a metrosexual man that took pride in his appearance (unlike them, hideous) when a beautiful blonde woman walked out of the back room, green eyes settling on Skye with interest.

Ooh... That woman was more his type. She looked like a woman that wanted to attract men. Her blonde hair was voluminous and lustrous, her eyelashes long, eyebrows tweezed, lipstick applied, powder and blush on her cheeks... she was in a short red dress.

H-O-T.

Just like him.

Skye immediately lapsed into seductive mode and purred at the blonde who, bounced over to where Skye sat happily. "Hello," she greeted him, "I'm Muffy! A pleasure to meet you!"

Nice name, Skye thought as he took he took the delicate, pale and well-manicured hand she had offered him. "I'm Skye," he purred seductively, then kissed her hand.

The room fell silent.

Everyone stared at him in shock. Skye looked around the finally looked down at the hand she had kissed and down at the silver wedding band on her ring finger.

_Oh crap._

Skye giggled a bit nervously, let go of Muffy's hand, then slowly backed out of the bar. "That isn't a 'miss', is it?" Muffy asked in a bewildered tone of voice.

The Elvis-do man growled. "No... it's a lecherous adulterer!" he announced and all the other men, except the hippie of course, nodded.

Skye wasn't liking where this was going so he ran out of the bar, only to bump into Jill again, who was looking a bit... frazzled.

"What do they have that I don't have!?" Jill demanded, a mad glint in her eyes as she backed Skye against the door, "Huh? Huh? I _saw_ you... I took pictures..." for effect she pulled out a stack of Polaroids of Skye posing, Skye picking his nose, Skye backed up against the corner by Nami, who held a pencil to his eye, Skye kissing Muffy's hand... Skye gulped, "They suck. They're not perfect like I am! Why!? _Why!?"_

Skye gulped as Jill prattled on obsessively and resorted to his ultimate weapon. "Maiden Chick Beam!" he cried, pointing a finger at the obsessive girl, who froze immediately.

Skye squeezed his size zero body away from Jill, and still shaking in fear at Jill's antics and the bar's murderous attitude, he laughed, quite hollowly though. "Ha! All women are paralyzed at my hotness!"

Jill however, did not find this scary. She found this hot... like Skye.

"Oh yeah," she purred, "I see you like bondage!"

Skye froze. "N-no!" he stuttered, trying to recover.

"Don't be shy!" Jill called, "I know I'm too perfect for words, but you're perfect too and-," Jill was cut off by the door of the bar opening and Jill, still frozen, being rammed to the floor. Angry men with pitchforks stared at Skye.

"There's the adulterer!" cried one of the old men.

They all stepped over Jill and ran at Skye, who squealed like a little girl and ran for his life, only to run into another blonde. She was wearing glasses, and she had a pretty oblivious expression on her face... until Skye literally ran into her, um, boobs.

Usually Skye would be thrilled to do this, but with a mob of angry men and an obsessive stalker watching, now was not a good time to indulge...

The mob gasped angrily and heard Jill's scream of rage at seeing this. Not to mention that the woman was looking down at him with angry violet eyes through glasses that reflected silvery moonlight..

Eep... Great.

"_Flora!_" one of the men in the mob called in concern, "Get away from him! He's a dirty adulterer and a _rapist, _now too!"

Skye looked up at Flora, his face still resting on her boobs. "Um... it's not what you think...?"

Flora looked angry. Uh-oh. "Don't worry Professor Carter!" Flora called, "I learned karate!"

The men cheered, Skye 'eeped' and Jill roared. "Don't touch my man, you imperfect, evil, clueless twit!" Jill screamed, still immobilized.

Before Skye knew it he was flipped onto his back and Flora was standing over him, fist cocked as she prepared to punch Skye _in the face_! That would totally ruin his hotness! Where was all the love!?

"Please no...!" Skye whimpered.

Just as Flora was about to punch him, someone roared their disapproval... and it wasn't Jill. "Stop!" cried a kind voice. Two sets of feet stopped by Skye's face and gently pulled Flora off, "Stop being so cruel."

Skye looked up at two brunette angels. Sure, one was wearing a dirty apron but she was still pretty...and the other screamed 'rich'. Skye loved them already!

The Elvis-do man and one of the older men who looked like a butler cried out. "What are you doing, Celia!?" the Elvis-do man asked, infuriated.

"Miss Lumina, get away from that criminal!" the older man cried.

"For Goddess' sake!" the girl named Lumina cried, hands on her hips, "It's just the stripper we ordered for Celia's bachelorette party! We sent Flora out to get him but we couldn't find him since you all were practically mugging him!"

The crowd guffawed as Celia and Lumina matter-of-factly nodded and Skye thought of the prospects of this-- both having girls ogling at his sexiness and all the tips he'd get... right when the _real_ stripper showed up...and ruined everything...

"Um... sorry to interrupt but I'm here for the party?" said Cliff, the traveler with 'no job' over at Mineral Town... yeah, just so that Ann wouldn't kill him.

Now all of the girls stared at Skye murderously, the men picked up their pitchforks, and Jill finally stood up and charged at Skye, obsessive lust in her eyes...

Oh yeah, Skye thought, he was definitely moving...

If he survived, that is...

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_A/N: You have no idea how much I loved doing that. I hope you laughed and liked it, and I hope none of you flame me... please. XD_

_Review?_


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